Dating a guy who isn't emotionally unavailable, learn How To Eat Right For Your Brain
He no longer puts his resources time, energy, money into nurturing the relationship. Too much baggage for me to handle. His default setting is defensiveness and he makes the relationship challenges about you, then you end up being overly responsible for how the relationship turns out.
He is keenly interested in one kind of intimacy, but avoids another. At a certain point in the relationship, often early on, he begins to distance. We were intimate once initiated by me which helped me understand what he was talking about.
Being self-absorbed is a typical defense mechanism for emotionally unavailable men. An emotionally unavailable person rarely admits their mistakes.
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Most often his denying behavior looks like defensiveness. Perhaps he shows up big at first, then pulls away after a few months or years. Later, this can show up as him insisting on arrangements that are one-sided. He says one thing, then contradicts that later in his actions or words.
The truth is there are women who are emotionally unavailable, and it sounds like your ex fits that category. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. He started to pull back and I ended it shortly after when he started to be more standoffish and less considerate. He knows where to find me if and when he wants to be in a relationship with me, too many texts dating and assuming I am still single at the time.
From what I hear from you, your instincts were right on. Here he stops initiating calls, emails, texts, sex, and conversations about deeper things. Thus, underneath all of these behaviors lie unconscious motives that serve to keep him safe in his comfort zone. This person will be unable to compromise and in order to avoid looking as the weaker one in the relationship, will say and do things to feel superior.
After disconnecting, this is where he disengages from the relationship. Physical intimacy is minimal, and there is this connection that we seem to be missing. In fact, any major conversation about what he was looking for or what he wanted was a mess that I did not understand.
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